I’ve never been a massive Madonna fan. And that’s mainly due to being born at the tail end of the 80′s and missing out on my teenage years singing in to a hair brush all Material Girlie (I still did that, it was just Britney instead of Madge I was taping off the Top 40). In fact, my earliest memory of being introduced to the so-called Queen of Pop was when my Dad bought the Evita soundtrack and played it until my youthful ears bled. Not an exemplary first impression I think you will agree.
That’s not to say I didn’t dip in and out of Madonna’s back catalogue throughout my youth. Hell, the woman’s career has spanned like thirty years or something. You couldn’t get away if you tried. I still to this day regard Frozen as one of my favorite shit songs of all time (it’s up there with All Saints Never Ever and N Sync’s Bye Bye Bye). I also wound up buying that ridiculous Cowboy styled album she did with Ali G or something. But that, if you ask me, is the direct fault of MTV’s universal influence on the impressionable who don’t know any better. You know, the people without older siblings. Damn it.
But despite never being a ‘True Blue’, I have always admired Madonna from afar. Popular culture, it seems, demands our appreciation for Madge and her sexy 80′s women’s liberating, on-stage masturbating, cone-bra wearing legacy. And that’s all well and good. But something is telling me, and others it seems, that the Queen of Reinvention has now gone one-step too far.
Everything from the title of Madonna’s latest album, to that hilariously staged Superbowl ‘I’m a MASSIVE PR stunt and you’ll never prove it’ debacle with M.I.A, to EVERYTHING to do with her world tour happening right now, screams of hypocrisy, and she needs to stop, before she does some irreversible damage.
Here is my blow-by-blow list of bug bears with Madonna circa 2012:
- Her latest album is entitled MDNA. Seriously. The 53-year-old, mother of 4, deemed appropriate and fit enough to adopt two children internationally, has attempted to connect with the youth of today by making her album sound like a party drug.
- She also caused a stir at a recent gig when she asked the crowd ‘Where is Molly?’ (another slang term for the same drug). Luckily Deadmau5 told her where to go and embarrassed her and her people beyond recognition. What a dude.
- The Superbowl. Hey Madge! If you don’t want any one stealing your spotlight, then don’t team up with one of the most liberally outspoken political rappers of our generation. Tit.
- She recently played the Israeli leg of her current world tour and handed out hundreds of tickets to Israeli peace activists. After making an emotional plea for peace in the Middle East, Madonna then decided to use fake machine guns and revolvers as props throughout her show. Oh, and jump through a fake stain glass window with a gun. In one of the most devout countries in the world.
- The flashing. I don’t necessarily have a problem with her doing this regarding her age. But I do have an issue with this it so unbelievably boring and clichéd. It would have been more shocking if she’d actually covered up for a change.
- Her beef with Lady Gaga. How can a woman who has taken constant inspiration from strong, independent women throughout time such as Marilyn Monroe, Marlene Dietrich, and even Princess Diana turn round to a fellow icon of popular culture and demean her on the world’s stage for openly admitting her admiration of Madonna and taking inspiration from her? She didn’t have a problem when Britney did it. Oh no, they just collaborated instead. Maybe Gaga turned Madge down…
We are all aware you are the original ‘shocker’, Madonna, and that you are probably running out of fresh ideas, but that’s no excuse to have some bingy, mid-life crisis revolt and start acting like THAT mum who tries to crash parties with her teenage daughter.