The 1990s Sartorial Graveyard: Three Things I Wish I’d Never Worn

Cast your minds back to the 1990s.

No, not the cool Philip Lim, Rihanna-esque grunge nineties you think happened – the real nineties, whereby everyone looked…weird. Granted, I was in that hideous stage of pre-pubescence, all tracksuit bottoms and ill-advised fringes, so I wasn’t even fashion-bad in the sense of Julia Stiles circa 10 Things I Hate About You. But like any impressionable young tween, Tammy Girl said jump, I said how high.

Now in light of this here nineties revival that has trickled down into the wares of high street stores, I am forced to revisit the wincingly bad trends of the last few decades, if for no other reason than to make me put back the confusingly erect beanie hat in Topshop, and accept that only Cara Delevingne looks good in a Bart Simpson crop top. Let us all learn hard won lessons from the past, because there are some things that should forever be consigned to the bin. My lime green zip-up fleece for one, Mum.

1. Skirt Trousers.

I saw evidence of ’skousers’ (see what they did there?) reappearing on, of all places, the catwalks in February. That’s right: skirts worn over trousers. Now, I see the practicality, Marc Jacobs and Chanel, I do. Tops are permanently that bit too short and skirts are regrettably draughty come an April morning, I can tell you. But the idea veers far too close to a white Lycra pair of skousers my sister owned. They were flared, and ever so slightly see-through, like some kind of stripper Bee Gee. Never again.

Skirt Trousers at Chanel AW 12-13

2. Denim

Fear not, I don’t mean all denim; we all enjoy a good pair of jeans (although, I haven’t bought a new pair since year 10 – they still fit, rejoice!). I’m talking indigo blue denim jackets, shapeless and gawdy, and strange drainpipes in the same shade of blue, stretchy with elastic waist. Christ, denim trainers! All worn together! Sing it with me, ‘say you’ll do what I don’t, say you’re true, say to me…c’est la vie!’

B*witched…as if you could forget

3. Leggings.

Yes, I know they’re comfy. How is it possible to object to innocuous black leggings I here you ask. For many reasons, actually: leggings that are not black, for a start, shudder. Leggings that have stirrups – liberate your pointlessly constrained ankles, children of the nineties! Leggings on anyone with legs bigger than breadsticks. Leggings with perpetual holes, in the knee or bum. The fact that leggings are never as thick as trousers, and thus reveal your polka dot pants. The pairing of leggings with crop tops for anyone other than the cast of Fame – as was outlawed by my old head of sixth form. Justifiably, it turns out.

Inexplicable stirrup leggings

There’s a fine line here folks, be daring and shun the sartorial laziness of leggings, and end up in skirt-trousers. The current decade is not immune to the horror; I’ve already thrown away my flatforms in bemusement.

Do you regret the fashion choices of yesteryear? Or are you a proud trend-follower? Good luck one and all, it’s a fashion minefield out there.

Kris Jenner is morphing in to Oprah…

I’m not going to lie.  I love Kris Jenner.  She’s over the top, ridiculous and downright crazy for making her entire family right down to the pet dogs everyone’s business, but where would I be on a hungover Sunday with out the K-Clan?  And now it has been announced (much to my squealing delight) she will be following in the footsteps of Oprah and Ellen, with a Fox Network talk show simply entitled ‘Kris’.  Oooooh gives you goosebumps, no?!  Whether it will be car crash or couture viewing, I guarantee the Chanel reps have already been assigned to kit out Kris’ on-air wardrobe.  

Here’s hoping Chris Humphries is the first surprise guest…

Brad Pitt’s Chanel No. 5 Monologue

The highly anticipated Chanel No. 5 advert launched to quite a stir this week,  this commotion mostly included scathing reviews and piss-takes.  Brad Pitt features as the first male-lead to represent the iconic brand following a trail blazed by Nicole Kidman, Charlize Theron and Kiera Knightley.

I unexpectedly saw the ad the other day and felt a slight cringe twinge but wasn’t over or underwhelmed. The puzzling format definitely struck me as divergent and unfamiliar and I assumed the dialogue was a famous sonnet that had bypassed my uncultured brain.  I think I only  felt a bit awkward because well, Brad looked a bit awkward.  I couldn’t quite look him in the eye.  Filmed through a soft-focus, black and white arty-film filter, Pitt stands uneasily, hands in pocket, huskily showering the viewer with a pretentious-y, meaning-of-life, love-poem jargon (I know, I should lecture in English Literature with that articulate appraisal…)

Reviewed in the press as ‘too awkward for words’, ‘a stinkbomb’, and ‘embarrassingly awful’, it appears to have fallen short of public expectation to say the least.  My favourite being The Guardian’s fashion blog, which describes the 30 second ramblings as ‘…like it’d been Google translated through 12 different languages and back into English again.’ 

As much as I agree the format is a tad uncomfortable to watch, the words nonsensical and overall a bit cringe, I applaud mixing up the scenery and doing something different.  No doubt the film will be relentlessly spoofed and scorned for years to come, but then again, who’s having the last laugh…we’re still talking about it and I don’t think the Branjolina bunch will let it ruin their weekend.

Follow me @joanna_knowles

Top Ten Spring 2012 Catwalk Trends

Now that the autumn/winter 2012 shows are almost over, we can get back to the task at hand: our spring wardrobes – or at least daydreaming about them like me, when you have nigh on zero budget for clothes shopping. Here’s a refresher course in spring 2012: the trends, plus some shopping ideas (click on the photos to shop).

1. The decade: 1920′s. Blame Baz Luhrmann and his forthcoming The Great Gatsby remake. Ralph Lauren, Alberta Ferretti and Gucci all went flapper happy on the catwalks, as did Spijker and Spijkers at London Fashion Week. This trend is a dead cert to hit the high street too – you won’t be able to escape dropped waist dresses on the shop floor soon.

2. The life aquatic. Karl created an underwater dreamscape at Chanel and Donatella picked the starfish as a recurring motif at Versace. Who are we to argue with the Kaiser and Queen of Fashion?

3. Seaside summer. We’re all going on a summer holiday declared Daks and Mulberry. It’s a traditional British jaunt, so pack fifties skirts, ice cream colours and a cagoule (because, obviously, it’s going to rain).

4. Out of season. Heavy outerwear at Burberry and leather at Chloe could be forgiven (those are their specialities, after all) but fur? Really, Kanye West? And that was just one of Yeezy’s many errors.

5. Bare bellies. This spring the most unforgiving, flesh-exposing trend is decreed by fashion dowager Miuccia Prada. Both her eponymous and Miu Miu shows featured cropped tops, as did Viktor and Rolf’s. Check out my Pinterest crop tops board for more inspiration.

6. Print setup. Easily the most ubiquitous trend, even pattern-averse New Yorker Alexander Wang had a go at florals. In London, it was business as usual for print pros like Mary Katrantzou and Erdem.

7. Safari so good. NYFW stalwarts Oscar de la Renta and Michael Kors both came straight outta Africa with their khaki safari pieces, soft tribal prints and a healthy dose of zebra, of course.

8. The colour: tangerine tango.  In their trend report, palette experts Pantone point to this scorching shade as taking over from mustard as accent colour of choice next Spring, taking cues from Victoria Beckham, amongst others. Helen told ya so.

9. Ruffles up. Not tiny delicate ones, we’re talking stiff waves of fabric, seen on practically every look at Givenchy. The wavy peplums at Alexander McQueen were cute too. I think the Man Repeller will approve of this vaguely vaginistic trend (no, I don’t think that’s a word either).

10. What a mesh. Almost entirely New York-based, led by Derek Lam and Alexander Wang, this trend took a sports kit fabric from the playing field to the catwalk.

TRENDS | Starry eyed

My proudest vintage find ever has to be a 1920s star hair pin that I bought at an antiques stall in Oxford one weekend a few years ago. I had been looking for something a bit like the hair pin Keira Knightley wears in Atonement, and it has really come into its own recently.

I’m a bit of a Justine Picardie addict, and particularly loved her column about how stars are super on trend the other month. (I’m slightly loath to link to it, because it’s such a great piece that I almost feel no one needs to write anything else on the subject.) I’ve loved stars ever since the days of unicorns and rainbows, of course, but there’s something about stars that crosses over from the whimsical and childlike to grown up glamour and sophistication. They are that rare thing: fun and classically, elegantly stylish.

The other week at London Fashion Week we saw a starry theme emerge at the Mattijs show, and people were wearing sparkly star head bands and prints all over the place. But perhaps the most obvious reason that stars are really having their moment right now is because they come hand-in-hand with the 1920s trend that’s sweeping the fashion floor this year. Think vintage Chanel jewellery and a cheeky finishing touch to your sophisticated Little Black Dress.

Like all the best trends, the trends that we really take to heart and enjoy, this one has all sorts of poignant associations for me. The blue domed ceilings of late Medieval Italian churches dotted with gold stars, star gazing with my father on clear nights in the countryside; a diamond broach on my mother’s dressing table, nestled in a pile of scented silk scarves.

An Indian Winter | Marianne Cotterill Jewellery at Matches

Although the phrase is a bit of a cliché, the fashion industry is having a ‘microtrend’ moment. Back in October, Hermès unveiled their a limited edition Sari collection, with piece priced between £4,000 – £5,000 a pop (wow..) – a move designed to celebrate the opening of their new Mumbai flagship.

Never one to be outdone, Karl Lagerfeld also embraced the Asian trend earlier this month, staging a decadent Maharaja-themed couture show to showcase his ‘Paris-Bombay’ collection. The Daily Mail reported shortly afterwards that Essex’s finest David Gandy was planning to relocate to the Indian capital to open up a hotel.

Left to right: A sari from the Hermes collection; Chanel 'Paris-Bombay' collection; David Gandy

In the name of research, I had a quick scan of the high street to see if the microtrend was slowly surfacing – and surely enough it was all there. With my magpie instinct, one of the brands that stuck out the most for me was the Marianne Cotterill collection at Matches:

These pretty pieces play on the traditional Indian idea of a hath panja – jewellery which runs along the back of the hand from the wrist to the wedding finger. I remember my granny had an impressive set, in the gaudiest yellow gold with green inlaid enamel. Granted, they were spectacular but far too loud to wear day-to-day. What Cotterill’s collection does rather cleverly is update the classic design with a sprinkling of semi-precious stones and charms. Beautiful don’t you think?

Have you spotted any pieces that are working the Indian microtrend? If so, let us know @Style_thensome

My Christmas Wish List | Sophie Caldecott

Style And Then Some Christmas wish list number three coming up. So it might be a little bit more extravagant than Katie’s, and surprisingly doesn’t contain any baking related goodies like Dee’s cute icing flower cutter, but if Santa had unlimited funds to satisfy my every whim, this is what I’d ask for (I’ve been an awful good girl):

1. There’s something really special about having a ‘scent’ that you put on for special occasions. When I smell Benefit‘s Maybe Baby, I am instantly reminded of my 18th birthday; when I smell Chance by Chanel I am taken back to my first year of university. Last May I went to a beautiful ball in my grandmother’s old 1950s Balenciaga dress, and I happen to love the Balenciaga perfume – perfect!

2. Socks are supposed to be the most boring present of all, but I actually really need some, and so would be happy to unwrap this selection of fun patterned woolies on Christmas morning. (Tights and socks from Topshop.)

3. Helen recently wrote about her gold obsession, and I have to say I love this glamorous purse from Topshop. Even if I didn’t have any money to put in it, I’d feel classy.

4. I’ve loved Alex Monroe for ages, and I think this delicate pea pod pendant is my favourite.

5. They come in an unassuming little brown box, but these chocolates by master chocolatier Paul A Young are the best I have ever tasted. He develops at least one new flavour a day with his teams in Camden Passage (Angel), the Royal Exchange, and Wardour Street (Soho).

6. I’ve never really understood why people describe leather as ‘buttery’, but this beautiful ‘Mela’ bag by Danaqa is so soft I almost find myself crooning the word to describe it. Danaqa’s fair trade bags are only made from by-products of the food industry in Ethiopia by local craftswomen, and come in classic shapes with hand woven lining.

7. I am in love with the heart jumper by Goodone. Simple as.

8. The extremely talented illustrator and graduate of Kingston, Frances Ives, did this gorgeous blooming tube map in which every stop is a leaf or a flower. I want a copy to put on my bedroom wall.

9. I’ve been a die-hard fan of Elle Macpherson’s The Body range of products for a while now, mostly because they smell so good. I was distraught, then, when they stopped stocking her range in Boots. I know Jo Malone is expensive, but I recently discovered this Lime, Basil & Mandarin body creme smells exactly like the Elle Macpherson body moisturiser that I miss so much.

10. I’m rather behind on this, but everyone has raved about One Day so much that I want to read it myself. It’s always nice to have a new book to read on Boxing Day to get you through the food coma.

But of course, if you can’t get me any of these presents, Santa, don’t worry, because:

Bid on a Bag to Save a Life

The Bag to Save a Life auction is now open online – nab a designer handbag at a bargain price and support Save the Children at the same time.

Bag to Save a Life is this year’s Save the Children’s Christmas campaign. Launched last Friday, fronted by UK supermodel Erin O’Connor, the appeal lets fashionistas bid to get their hands on bags from Christian Louboutin, Mulberry, Jimmy Choo, Miu Miu, Prada and many more in an online auction through www.savethechildren.org.uk/bagtosave.

Many of handbags were donated by celebrities, and we’re talking VERY stylish ones at that. Tilda Swinton, for example, handed over a really chic Chanel bow bag. Others came straight from designers – my favourites have got to be the two-toned Jason Wu ‘Miss Wu’ tote bag and the futuristic Christopher Kane PVC clutch, pictured above. I’ve wanted one of these ever since Sophie and I went to his London Fashion Week show in February.

The starting price of all lots will be set at around a quarter of the bags’ recommended retail price. Save the Children is also urging the public to show their support by donating and dropping off unwanted bags at any of their Save the Children stores around the UK.

The Bag to Save a Life auction is open until Sunday 4th December so get bidding now at www.savethechildren.org.uk/bagtosave.

November’s best discount designer sales

Here are a couple of discount designer shopping opps for your diary this month. One is for city dwellers and the other’s for country folk – or daytrippers.

Kilver Court Designer Emporium’s Winter Sale

When: 12-13^th November 2011

Where: Kilver Court, Kilver Street, Shepton Mallet, Somerset BA4  5NF

What: Make a day of it with a shopping excursion down to place that calls itself the ‘rural home of style.’ The winter sale will feature brands like Myla, Margaret Howell, Duchamp, Joseph and Cacharel, all with sizeable discounts.

More info:  www.kilvercourt.com or try the new Kilver Court phone app.

Trinity Fulham’s Designer Saturday

When: 19^th November 2011, opens at 10am.

Where: Trinity Hospice Shop, 785Fulham Road, London SW6 5HD

What: The West London charity shop will be transformed for one day only into a designer boutique, with high end goods coming from donors as well as designers themselves. Ralph Lauren, Chanel, Armani and Osprey are the sort of brands you can expect. And there’s the added incentive, of course, that all proceeds go to Trinity Hospice.

More info: www.trinityhospice.org.uk or follow twitter.com/trinityhospice

Bottega Veneta A/W 2011 – the Most Peculiar Mademoiselle trend

Bottega Veneta A/W 2011 ad campaign shot by Robert Polidori

Unless you have the confidence, care and attention that true ladylike dressing deserves – full on Chanel-style chic should not be attempted. It is not practical for the bus and you will no doubt snag your jacket the minute you leave the door. Many solve this problem by mixing in some denim or sticking to monochrome but there is another way: play eccentric young lady in clashing prints and amazing textured fabrics in classic shapes.

The Most Peculiar Mademoiselle trend showed up at Vivienne Westwood (of course), Marc Jacobs, Jean Paul Gaultier and Comme des Garcons for Autumn/ Winter 2011 whereas Chanel this season played rebel and went for androgynous slouchy trousers, cardigans and arm-warmers instead.

Coco Rocha in Bottega Veneta at Milan Fashion Week back in February

I loved Tomas Maier’s collection for Bottega Veneta in Milan – it reminded me of past seasons of Luella dressing the eccentric British aristocratic lady. Psychadelic dresses you could only wear if you were important enough to be throwing a fancy garden party and if you were completely in control of the dress code. Bottega Veneta, the luxury Italian label, obviously offered a toned down version of this but the playful attitude was still there in mohair jackets, opaque white tights and trompe l’oeil “lace” detailing.

Lets face it summer is for simple brights and sandals, not half as interesting as covering up in wonderfully mismatched layers. So if you are already planning your first workwear buying session of the autumn, here’s what to rummage for: The aforementioned white tights, a neutral blouse, a single-breasted knitted jacket in as daring a colour as you can and a selection of just above the knee shift dresses and pencil skirts.