Nicki Minaj |

Last week it seemed everyone sharing a certain review of Chris Brown’s new album dominated my Facebook timeline. Now, in case you missed it, this wasn’t your run-of-the-mill review. X-Press magazine granted their writer permission to go, well, all ‘Chris Brown’ on Chris Brown, and with hilarious consequences I hasten to add.

Now, here is a copy of the review, which I hope this really brightens up your Tuesday morning, unless you are an actual Chris Brown fan. In that case, please stay away forever:

As I am sure you will agree, this journo is, on a scale of 1 to Chris Brown, damn angry about his career, his music, his fans and probably about the air he breathes. And to be fair so are a lot of people. And on a separate note, I also thoroughly plan on campaigning for the word ‘clusterfuck’ to be added to the Oxford Dictionary by the end of the year. However, this article has got me thinking about two larger topics, for which, I would love to hear your opinions on:

1. Why has R’n’B become so shit? I affectionately refer to the works of Rihanna, Brown, Drake and co as ‘MacDonald’s music’. Its fast, it’s bad for you, and as soon as you’re done there is more lined up, ready to go. And if you can’t sing? I wouldn’t worry about it. Through the power of industrial strength auto-tuning, as long as you have a certain ‘look’ (you know, tie dye hair or butt implants) and an awesome PR team, apparently you are golden. Have you ever heard Rihanna in the Live Lounge? OUCH. Honestly, try reading out Nicki Minaj lyrics in poem form and try not to cry laughing. ‘I’m a bad bitch, no muzzle’ is one of my favourites. But at the same time, I must admit I do own a couple of Ri Ri albums. I’m just more aware than ever that I probably, deep down, don’t enjoy her music and am more brain washed through constant radio play. Brown’s music on the other hand, can swivel.

2. Chris Brown himself. This basically wouldn’t be an article about Chris Brown without the mere mention of his assault on Rhianna. And to be fair, that’s my point. Now, in no way do I condone violence in any form, but you will not find anything written about Brown that doesn’t refer to his conviction in 2009. The issue I have is, technically this man did apologise, did go to court, did plead guilty, did own up to his abominable actions and did, as dictated by western law, pay his debt to society for his crime. There is literally nothing else he can do. And seeing as the western world preaches forgiveness, it does confuse me. Especially as people, generally seem to still LOVE talking about it and the whole sorry ‘are they aren’t they affair’ between the couple years later. Maybe if you hate Chris Brown and want him to disappear, the best medicine would be to stop talking about him and feeding his (and Rihanna’s) insatiable egos. I’m sure they would both get bored and move on with their own lives then. Seriously, you think he would be on his awful 5^th studio album and still be in the limelight so much if it wasn’t for the gossip columns running overtime? Come on. His fame is hardly anything to do with his music, and more to do with the fact society seems more intrigued with Rihanna’s obsession with the man who violently assaulted her.

Oh, and in other hilarious music news, last week also saw the rebirth of the artist formally known as Snoop Dogg, who we have to now refer to as Snoop Lion, might I add, with a straight face. Maybe he should just leave his ego at the pound next time.One can only hope Apple will rise to the occasion and name their new OSX after him.

‘Eww.’ That was my reaction when I saw the first ads from the Versace for H&M collection that premiered in New York last night with a high profile fashion show and performances from Prince and Nicki Minaj.

In the photo I saw, model Daphne Groeneveld was wearing a long-sleeved dress and leggings, both in garish black, turquoise and fuchsia oriental pattern. More ads were released and I still wasn’t impressed – the retina-searingly bright colours and brash head to toe prints are a far cry from the sleek, sexy dresses that Donatella has been sending down the Versace catwalk for the last few seasons. It looked from comments on the web that I wasn’t the only having a WTF moment, but then I was chatting to fellow blogger Simon at a recent H&M event and he was saying how much he liked the collaboration and that he thought everyone did too. Clearly, Versace for H&M is dividing opinions.

Now that the entire collection (all 117 photos worth) has surfaced we can make a more thorough critical assessment. In actual fact I think my initial reaction was a bit harsh (but I stand by it where that fur vest is involved, you’ll see what I mean below). Not every piece makes me say eww; there are a few I really like – but a VERY limited handful. For arguments sake I’ve picked what I think are the 10 best and 10 worst pieces from the collection and put them in the gallery below, along with a selection of opinions gathered from a sample that includes tweeting celebs, trusted blogger friends and internet randomers alike. Bear in mind that the average dress costs £80 with some going up to as much as £150.

The case FOR Versace for H&M:

“I think that’s a great idea – rejuvenating the brand in this way” – fashion writer Katie_Jane_Rose.
“Its all about 80s/90s nostalgia! The old Gianni prints we know and love having a come back. Donatella’s a fashion force!” – fashion blogger The Very Simon G.
“Saw some of the Versace for H&M stuff today. Amazing!!! Love love everything! Fab colors and patterns” – actress Emma Roberts tweeted.
”At first, I was really negative about it because Donatella said she would never do it a few years ago, so obviously she’s after the old money now…I actually quite like the collection- it is VERY Versace and definitely has its signature all over it. Which is good, as it doesn’t feel completely watered down like past collections for H&M.” – Style & Then Some’s own Helen Coakley.
“The glossy look book was released this morning, showing the designer-meets-high street collection in all it’s leather-clad, gold-studded, pattern-clashing glory. And we LOVE it.” – the MyDaily team.
“Some of the studded shift dresses, the less-crazy printed pants, cut-out plain coloured frocks, and even some of the accessories are actually pretty darn cool.” – blog Drop Dead Gorgeous Daily.

The case AGAINST Versace for H&M:

”I am hugely disappointed by the men’s. Who is really going to buy the pink suit? The other products for men are equally as loud, with wild screaming patterns or street gang type clothes. Disappointing!” – fashion blogger JaimeLondonBoy.
“Some of it is genuinely cool, but it’s just RIDICULOUSLY over priced, as it’s still H&M” – fashion blogger Abimarvel.
“Possibly the worst idea on the planet, ever. Who’s idea was it to combine H&M’s cheap materials, and obsession with leopard print, with Versace’s tacky silhouettes? All for a…oh wait it’s not even that cheap.” – fashion blog EyeSpyFashion.
“Half of this collection is as bat-shit crazy, and unwearable as I expected (what a shame it’s out in November, there are so many great Halloween costumes here).” – blog Drop Dead Gorgeous Daily.
“This collab is barf worthy. One of the worst H&M/designer collabs yet IMO. Never was a big Versace fan and this is exactly why. Absolutely fucking hideous.” Comment on StyleForum. OUCH!