1. You keep your Jimmy Choos/ Kurt Geigers in the box.
If all your purchases end up in a shoe shrine, never to see the light of day, you know you’re too old for heels. Any self-respecting teenager buying their first statement shoe would scuff those bad boys within hours of handing over the money.
2. You’d rather eat the latest issue of Vogue than trade shoe collections with Daphne Guinness
Heels can turn you into a power woman but flats are the best way to play it cool – dress down trend-heavy outfits with flats and you’ll feel a lot less self-conscious making your big entrance.
And you get to tsk tsk at Daphne Guinness for clinging to banisters as she teeters around in ever more ridiculous shoes. Just think what that poor woman’s feet must look like.
3. Your toes are a wreck from wearing “simple” black Havianas to parties when everyone else is in stilettos
Summer’s a great time to give up heels – or maybe just vow to stick to wedges wherever possible. I’m also a big fan of wearing black raffia sandals on nights out.
OK, they’re basically little better than flip flops but you can wear them with everything. Good for: the beach, the park and running across cobbles looking smug.
4. Those Sunday morning knee grazes are starting to annoy you
It used to be funny wobbling into gutters and twisting ankles on the stairs. But according to some (no doubt) pretty unscientific research quoted in Avril Mair’s latest Beauty Extremist in Elle magazine, 40% of women admit to having had accidents because of their heels.
What does the ordinary fashion ed do then? Simple, wear heels when you know you’re getting a cab to and from wherever you’re going and sit down a lot when you’re in them.
5. You like ‘haute casual’ footwear like these Christopher Kane abominations
If a talented British designer combines comfort with well, flowers it must be fashionable right? Wrong – but do use this kind of design to your advantage when you’re championing the merits of flats to the Amazon in the 5 inchers towering above you. Acceptably stylish flat shoes include ballet pumps, brogues, leather sandals and even plastic jelly shoes when combined with high fashion underwater-themed outfits. But not these.
Main image: Faraz Pourreza-Jorshari