I’m starting to get the feeling I’m the only person on the planet who hasn’t yet dared read the post-Twilight phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey. I have somewhat successfully managed to avoid being sucked in to E.L. James’ sado-machistic novel, but that’s not to say I have managed to avoid knowing pretty much everything else there is to know about the future franchise. Hey, I was even planning on going down the lazy-man ‘wait for the film’ avenue, and have caught myself checking out the rumored castings on the Daily Fail Showbiz web page on more than one occasion (more of that later). But, alas, yesterday that Amazon order was placed in a moment of deluded weakness, curiosity and this damn feeling that if I don’t read it soon, popular culture will leave me trailing, naively and innocently, behind.
I honestly have had roughly eight conversations/heated discussions/full-blown arguments revolving around Fifty Shades of Grey in the last few weeks. Everything from exchanges surrounding the new-found acceptance by all women that its ok to read soft porn on the underground at 9:15 in the morning and not even get the tiniest bit embarrassed (the woman next to you is no doubt on chapter 3 on her Kindle anyway) to the sudden, and hilarious surge of interest the male species all of a sudden has in your bedtime reading material. I even read some PR spiel guaranteeing ‘you will never be the same again’ after reading 50 Shades. Although this absolute guff did induce some MEGA LOLZ, I do in fact still regard Judy Blume’s ‘Forever’ as my coming of age book, and my 13yr old self will always hold it is special regard. Thanks for that, Judy.
From what I have heard, the Fifty Shades trilogy is being seen as a replacement obbession for the hungry sexed-up Twihards who, luckily for E.L. James and those smug bigwigs at Random House, have sunk their teeth in to. But, on the flip side, I have also head it has been declared as ‘soft porn for mommies’. Say what? From what I have thus scientifically concluded, this book doesn’t actually have a specific target audience. It’s audience is strictly ALL WOMAN KIND (and a few curious men).
But with all celebrated novels in our modern age, there are 2 side affects. Number 1: The movie deal. Now, like I mentioned earlier, I am extremely sad and do in fact frequent the showbiz pages of the Daily Fail from time to time (never print edition guys, you will be glad to hear). And I have been informed by clearly reliable sources that Ryan Gosling, (yes ladies, this is a genuine possibility) is in the frame to play the brooding male lead. In the immortal words of Garth Algar…SHWING. It has also been unfortunately rumoured Kristen Stewart may also sign on. Kristen, you already have R-Patz, now leave our Gossa alone! Number 2: The onslaught of parodies. Selena Gomez, SNL, the thousands of youtube mickey takes filmed in basements all over the Western world…You name it, it’s already been done. There is already a twitter account too (@50shadesofshit if your interested).
So, whether you’ve already joined the 50 Shades cult, or like me are about to, you may want to prepare yourself whether you like it or not for my impending Ryan Gosling for Fifty Shades of Grey petition.