Sometimes something lands in my inbox that makes me question my fellow human beings. The new ‘date-onomics’ poll, conducted by MSN is a prime example. This new poll consists of data gathered from two thousand participants (men and women) regarding their dating lives and the results, quite frankly, leave me wanting to gauge my eyes out.
For instance, did you know (according to MSN) men are now spending more on grooming before a first night of passion than women are? Nope, neither did I. Nor did I realise that before a red-hot date, men are now investing in new bed linen, Columbian waxes (I don’t even want to visualise this one) and facials. Now, if you are a member of the male species and you do partake in this behaviour, fair enough. But I am pretty sure this poll must have been conducted either in The City, Liverpool town centre, or perhaps Romford, as I am hella sure if I interviewed one thousand men in the Yorkshire Dales I would get somewhat different results. I have no problem whatsoever with male grooming, in actual fact male-only salons are a burgeoning market. But if this poll has been devised to make me believe all men are behaving this way, then I must be in Lala land…or just dating the guys that wear really bad underwear.
Want some more statistics? Well ladies, apparently this is how you all prepare to get the bed rocking. Why didn’t anyone tell me?!:
Now, call me a prude but COME ON who actually sticks diamantes down there and expects your fella to be wowed? Surely this is nothing more than an excuse for him to a) scarper, or b) politely request you to remove said diamantes as they pose a serious choking hazard?
But hang on, ladies, it gets even better. Here are the top Men’s turn-offs that you should be apparently avoiding if you don’t want to end up an old maid….
1. Hairy upper lip
2. Dirty sheets
3. Hairy legs
4. Untidy nails
5. Body hair
6. Un-groomed pubic hair
7. Messy hair
8. Bad outfit
9. Ugly footwear
10. Lack of perfume
Well, thanks but no thanks MSN and your ‘date-onomics’. I think I’m somewhat happier following advice from people like this: