However, its time to embrace this is not the case; I live miles (literally, bloody miles) from the station, I spend a large proportion of my life sat on train platforms and often when I open my mouth, my tongue feels too large to make real words; hell, sometimes I just make up words and then carry on the conversation as if no one noticed. And much of this came to my attention when, just this weekend, I found myself in a shoe shop with my dear mother.
There was no two ways about it; I needed flat, waterproof, sensible black shoes. The footwear equivalent of the Holy Grail, even vaguely stylish black shoes have evaded me since Year 5, when I begged that same mother for some butterfly adorned wedges (I promptly fell over in them, as she warned me I would and twisted my ankle. I did not tell her that).
Yet here we were again, except now I’ve got a new job and need to look halfway presentable. My rationale was thus; versatility, in that they have to be both workable for skirts and trousers. They needed to be good for the rain, the sun, the autumn leaves. And fundamentally, crucially – not look like they could belong to either a grandmother or a six year old.
You’d be surprised at how much this did in fact rule out numerous high street selections. I realised I was grappling at a possibly unattainable object, and for some reason my mother looked increasingly nonplussed every time I used the phrase ‘I’ll look like such a basic bitch!’ So in the hope of saving women across the country from this self same dilemma, here are five of the best, non-basic, sensible, mother-placating and fashion face-saving black flats.